RECOGNISE that your anger is building by becoming aware of the physical signs of anger (fast breathing, knotted stomach, feeling hot, agitated movements, etc.)

TELL the person you are angry with "I'm getting too angry, I can't think properly, I need to take TIME OUT. I'd like to talk about this when I've calmed down".

LEAVE the situation for however long it takes to calm yourself. If your anger is more than 7 on a scale of 1-10, you will need at least an hour away.

THINK about your approach to the argument, realise how close you were to being abusive, think calming thoughts. DO NOT stew, blame, fume, rehearse negative statements, etc. Say STOP! when thoughts start to build up tension, and distract yourself by thinking about something else.

DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL - walk, jog, ride a bike, something that will burn up the physical energy. Try practicing relaxation or deep breathing.
You could also ring: a trusted friend, a counsellor or contact Men's Referral Service (9428 2899 Metropolitan Melbourne, or 1800 065 973 12 Midday to 9pm Monday to Friday) or Mensline (1300 789 978 24hrs seven days a week).

RETURN when you are feeling calmer. When you get back, invite the person to discuss the issue with you again, or ask them to make a time to discuss the matter again. If you get angry again, take another TIME OUT.

PRACTICE taking time out regularly until you master this important skill. Three times per week when there is no emergency, say clearly and firmly "I need to take Time Out". Leave for 15 minutes and do something that you enjoy doing, but no drinking or drug taking. Come back right on15 minutes and say to your wife or partner "thanks, I enjoyed that break". Continue to do what you were doing OR invite your wife or partner to take 15 minutes time out to do something they enjoy.